Certain songs are greater than just music. They are a means of confronting pain, a way to obtain peace, and a way to sustain important memories. “Stay” is an intensely personal narrative of the loss of a mother, grief, regret, love, and healing. The artist’s honest lyrics address the significance of family, difficult questions concerning loss, and what we’d like to say or do if we could go back in time.
The song also has a portion of a more extended journey of addiction, recovery, and rebuilding life. The artist had been personally tormented for years, and had discovered a new serenity, a new way of expressing creativity without the use of drugs and alcohol. Writing will always be a therapeutic activity and a way to process difficult life moments and make music that may last for eternity.
Recorded at The Terrarium in Minneapolis, with extra work done in northern Minnesota, “Stay” also features the contributions of experienced musicians and engineer Jason Orris.
During the interview with the legendary Mister Styx of Music Arena GH, the artist reveals the meaning behind the song “Stay”, the impact of his mother’s life and how life has taken its heaviest turns on his songwriting. The discussion also serves as a great reminder to enjoy the people we love before it’s too late.
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“Stay” is a deeply personal song about losing your mother and the emotions that come with that loss. What first inspired you to turn that experience into a song?
Writing is how I cope and work through emotional disasters, so I wrote it partly for my own mental health and, also as a way to honor her life and what she gave to me throughout mine.
The song explores love, grief, regret and recovery. How did writing “Stay” help you process some of the emotions surrounding your mother’s passing?
I wrote Stay out of respect for her and to help me through going on without such a fundamental person in my life.
One of the most emotional parts of the song is your reflection on whether you stayed long enough or called often enough. How difficult was it to put those thoughts into words?
When someone close to you is nearing the end of their life I think it’s normal to think about how much they’ve meant to you and you can only hope that you meant as much to them. I don’t think my mother cared what I gave back, she just wanted me to find some balance and happiness and just get my shit together.
Your mother remained an important presence during your recovery from addiction. How did her support and your promise to get sober influence the story behind “Stay”?
I owed her a song, when important events in your life happen, good or bad you write about it. This was a big one. She saved me several different ways, several different situations. That was my promise when she was alive and it just got more intense the sicker she got and the closer to death she got.
I kicked drugs the last three years of her life. I’d been clean for some years but I had always struggled and would relapse every couple years, not just on heroin, but on anything my addictive personality could get its hands on. And so I was finally done going through that. It’s a more peaceful state of mind I had to get to.
You have described your recent songwriting as beginning with the lyrics rather than the music. What changed in your creative process, and how did that approach shape “Stay”?
Words have become more important. I need to get these emotions and stories out of me. I’m getting older and I’m getting more concerned with leaving some sort of legacy. I don’t have kids so these songs and recordings have to hold up for some time after I’m gone. And I don’t want to be too vague about singing about my experiences.
“Stay” was recorded at The Terrarium in Minneapolis, with additional overdubs completed at your personal studio in northern Minnesota. What did each recording environment bring to the song?
It was great to be back at The Terrarium. I had worked there as an engineer and as a musician with Buss. I have my home studio here in Northern Minnesota, but none of these songs and recordings would have come to fruition without Jason Orris, The Terrarium and his experience.
You worked with engineer Jason Orris, drummer Noah Levy and a northern Minnesota upright bass player on the recording. How did their contributions help bring the emotional character of the song to life?
Comparatively from me having tracked the basics on a demo version versus having real musicians with personalities, emotions. habits, etc. is incomparable.
Your return to music follows a period of addiction, homelessness and rebuilding your life through recovery, therapy, meditation and self-love. How has that journey changed the way you approach songwriting today?
I’ve got a ton of shit to sing about. None of those experiences are normal, per se. Addiction starts that chain of events, and everything else follows. And all of those experiences together caused some trauma for me. It would be weird if it didn’t. Music has always been my therapy, whether I’m listening, or writing. Maybe I will stop writing about these experiences, but for now this is what I do to find some balance.
You previously performed with Minneapolis alternative rock and emo band Buss before stepping away from music. What has it been like returning to music from such a different place in your life?
I used to get messed up to write music. I’d really thought that I needed that mindset to write. It would work. And it’s certainly very artsy-fartsy to create when you’re f’d up, but aside from Keith Richards, it’s not sustainable. I was surprised when I found some peace in my life and some structure that music flowed out of me so naturally.
And so I have come to the conclusion that I write better when I’m in a safe space or have some structure in my life. And it wasn’t in my life back then during those Buss years, so I would use drugs and alcohol to create that space. Holy crap, sooo…the difference these days is I don’t need to get f’d up to write or be creative.
“Stay” speaks to the universal wish for one more conversation, one more visit and one more chance to say what needs to be said. What do you hope listeners take away from the song?
Nothing is permanent, do what you need to now to prevent some serious regrets when they’re gone.
